Body Language 101:
She looks up at you when you walk into the room. Great. She smiles in response to your smile or says "Hello" in response to your greeting. Also positive signs. But these are not under any circumstances proof of her interest.
The body always tells the true story. Words are chosen carefully to avoid offending others. A woman may engage in pleasantries even when she's absolutely repulsed by the other party. But while she's nodding courteously, her body unwittingly or wittingly reveals her true feelings. So listen to what she's saying but also watch what she's doing.
I've given responses to date-requests that could be read possibly as encouraging - for instance, a waiter asked me in a crowded restaurant if I'd go on a motorcycle ride out in the country with him the next day. I was thinking, "No, no, no!" but he'd cornered me. How to delicately turn him down with so many people in listening proximity escaped me, so instead I lamely offered a "Maybe", which he jumped on, saying, "Great, what time?" Now I was really between a rock and a hard place and had even less idea of how to extract myself. "Well, I'm not sure, when were you going?" I meekly inquired, only digging myself in deeper and confusing him utterly. But in addition to being caught off guard, we were in a public setting and I didn't want to embarrass the guy. I had no intention of going out with him and I didn't.
What does she do when she really likes you:
- Eyebrow flash: When either a man or a woman is taken with someone, they very quickly raise and then lower their eyebrows, usually followed up with a smile. It's a rather immediate and speedy reflex, so look closely or you may miss it. But don't go gangbusters on this signal alone - women do this when their interest is friendly as well as romantic. Platonic interest is simply a shorter flash. Make sure you're seeing other signs as well as the eyebrow flash.
- The stare: she makes prolonged eye contact for more than two seconds, followed by casting her eyes downward. This primitive reflex let's you know she wants you and that she is willing to submit to you - meaning she's waiting for you to come over and make a move.
- Hair Toss:Yes, its true - women flip their hair when flirting. The biological reason is to show their necks. Social scientist say revealing the neck is a sign of submission.
- Dilated pupils: Women, who are deeply fascinated with you, take on the look of someone who's had one too many hits on the bong - their pupils are unmistakably enlarged into big, black pools of pheromones. Often a slightly goofy smile accompanies. Of course, dim lights also dilate pupils, so again, consider the setting and look for additional signs.
- Doing the twist: Women getting their flirt on are squirmy. They twirl their hair, bite their fingernail, lick their lips and play with any available object. That kind of restlessness is a definite green light.
- Touching you touching me: Sure, sometimes women are completely obvious by touching your arm, your hair, your hands, your back, making little excuses to put their mitts on your masculine parts. But, touching themselves is an equally strong indicator that you're a wanted man. We place our hands in all of the places we'd subconsciously like you to put your hands: our mouths, hips, necks, etc. If she's stroking her thigh sensually, you can be sure she's craving contact with you!
- Body posture: She'll lean into you as you talk and mirror your body movements - you cross your arms and she crosses her arms; you rest your hand on your chin and she follows suit, etc.
What she does when she doesn't really like you:
- Blockades:She will create barriers subtle or more overt between herself and you by crossing her arms, clutching her books to her chest, holding up a menu or waving hello or goodbye with her hand in front of her face or even covering her mouth or part of her face while she talks to you. Cute though the gestures may be, she's placed interference in the space where connection might have taken place.
- Shifting eyes: She'll avert her gaze from yours to let you know she's busy with something else i.e. a menu, paper or a cell phone (which she's fished out of her purse to check even if it hasn't rung). If she looks like she wants to get back to her book, she probably does. Walk away.
- Smile Styles: She doesn't smile or smiles with her mouth but not her eyes or smiles without showing her teeth. All evidence of lukewarm enthusiasm. In fact, any tepid facial animation is a very good indication she's not receptive to you. An interested female beams, showing at least some, if not all of her teeth and laughs, often a little too much. It's unmistakable.
- Space: She might actually take a few steps backwards creating more physical distance between the two of you all the while continuing to engage in conversation.
Remember: just because she responds to your initial query or greeting or gives a cursory first look doesn't mean she wants you badly or at all! Prematurely going in for the close is bad, bad, bad! Women respond to conversational overtures easily and kindly and they perfunctorily inspect new males entering a room as a matter of course, just like men will do. There must be more indicators of interest for you to be sure she's grooving on you. Now you have them!
Good Luck!!
Maya Martin, Relationship Coach
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